[Cover from The Closet]
Was there a ghostwriter strike that we didn’t know about? Was anyone ever doing quality control when these things were released? I can’t even…ugh. I’ll have to organize my thoughts in a list or else it will be a bunch of random cursing and jumble.
- Michael Harris is quite the winner. As you may (or not) remember, he was in a secret relationship with Maria Santelli, was controlling and mean and forced Maria to become his child bride. She dumped him for Winston Egbert, and lucky Michael he’s found love with April Dawson. And guess what? He’s a controlling asshole and doesn’t want to do anything fun with April and guilts her into practicing for dirt bike rallies 24 hours a day. When she confronts him on it, he belittles her. Of course, April’s of the “he yells at me because he cares” variety, so it’s okay. He’s intense, y’all.
- Yes, April is a dirtbike racer. Of course, she rides a pink bike. Just to remind us that she has a vagina.
- Speaking of vagina, those jeans are riding up hers.
- April Dawson suddenly popped out of nowhere, and doesn’t seem to have any friends other than Michael. Oh, and the Wakefield twins. Because if you are not friends with them the Sweet Valley chamber of commerce makes you move away. This gal sure is lucky. Just when she needs someone to talk to, Liz pops out of nowhere! Just when she needs a friend to go shopping with, Jessica is there!
- And don’t even get me started…the cover and title HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY. Somewhere, James feels betrayed. And no one bothered to fix that? April is not caught between two guys in a love triangle. Michael and Artie Western used to be bffs but Michael challenged him to a race but almost kills him and they are fighting. April agrees to be Artie’s partner in the dirt bike relay and Michael gets mad and challenges him to a duel…ON DIRT BIKES. Artie ends up in the hospital and they make up and April forgives Michael for being a violent, controlling freak. He’s intense, y’all.
- This is also the book where Jessica meets Sam Woodruff, at a dirtbike rally where she is cheering on her suddenly new bff, April. Sam actually seems pretty nice and has a personality. Too bad he’ll be roadkill in about 20 books.
- Jessica is scared that her parents will be angry that she is dating a guy on a dirt bike since the coma debacle with Liz (at least there’s continuity). But they are magically ok with it. They brush it off as “yea, so your sister had a bad accident and was in a coma and for a while turned into a nympho, but we’ll let this one slide.” Good parenting, Nalice.
- You thought we were free and clear of Liz and Todd’s salty and sweet french fry and milkshake kisses? No such luck. They decide to do an “Anything you can do, I can do better” number and challenge each other to do tasks typical of the opposit gender, to show that being a guy/girl is so hard! Way to break gender role stereotypes. Liz makes Todd bake cookies and knit something and Todd makes Liz build a shelf and change a tire. Hilarity ensues. Vomit escapes my mouth.
- Is it just me or are the guys on the cover kind of hung? Also, Jean Tuxedo seems to be looking at April’s hair and thinking “dayum, could you have more bangs?”
It’s hard for me not to bring the snark but can we have a moment for the fantastic Mary Downing Hahn? A lady so great she needs three names. Thanks to Pamela who gave me this book to read. Mar really knows how to write about children’s angst without just making it about boys and makeup. Jessica meets Daphne, who is the class weirdo but doesn’t seem to care. When working on a book project together, Jessica learns that Daphne lives out on an old farm with her senile Grandmother who barely feeds them and Daphne is basically taking care of her grandmother and her little sister, and almost starving to death. She doesn’t want anyone to know because they may take them away. Jessica struggles with not telling anyone, and also struggles with associating with Daphne who the kids at school make fun of. In the end Jessica tells her mother and the girls are put in an orphanage but then are finally adopted by a distant cousin. Daphne forgives Jessica but has to move away to an orphanage (are they even called that anymore?). Daphne is mad at first that Jessica told, but finally forgives her in the end, and distant relatives adopt them.
And seriously? I read this one night and bawled my eyes out.
MDH, as I like to call her, also wrote the Jellyfish Season, which I adored. it seems that she writes about girls who feel awkward, and not just in a I’m-going-through-puberty way, but girls who really can’t relate and try to reach out to their families and maybe don’t always succeed. Jessica is feeling especially crappy at school because her childhood best friend has suddenly become popular so Jessica tags along with the popular kids and although they are not very welcoming to her but she sticks it out anyway to be with her friend. Jessica, Jessica, I’ve been there. And in my early twenties, not just as a kid.
In my internet searches, I came to the realization that MDH also penned the horror classic. Wait Till Helen Comes (not to be confused with the porno of the same title. I KILL myself.). and OH MY GOD I read the shit out of this one.
Some things I remember so vividly. The main character has parent that just remarried and they move into what used to be an old church. There was even a floorplan of the church included. My real estate fetish was in affect even back then, so I was into it. She also had a bratty stepsister who she hated but was super favored by the parents. The bratty stepsister became friends with Helen, the ghost of a little girl who drowned in the lake. Helen wanted brat girl to drown herself, Jenny Wilder style, in the lake so she’s have another ghost friend to play with. Main character saves her and all is well. And man, this shit was scary. And not in a Dawn’s secret passage scary, but pretty creepy.
However, I am not sure what is scarier, the ghost or the little girl’s mullet.
Mary Downing Hahn, I salute you.
I wish I knew you. We’d meet at a local coffee shop and you’d show up in your cozy cardigan, and we’d write short stories and share them with each other. And then I’d tell you about my struggling relationship with my mother and you’d say “there, there dear” and give me some tea.
[cover photo from The Closet]
Cast:
Caprica Six as Jessica
Natalie as Elizabeth
Lee “Apollo” Adama as Todd
Gauis Baltar as Kris Lynch
Samuel Anders as Mr. Collins
Hi Todd, I missed you at lunch! We were supposed to feed each other french fries!
God woman, you’re suffocating me! We should see other people! Namely, I should start dating Peggy, who just wants to make out and doesn’t want to tie my balls up with a gold lavaliere and lead me around.
Well, two can play at that game!
–
Ah, Liz, I know I’ve never been mentioned before this, but I’m Kris Lynch and I work at the Oracle and have been masturbating to your Eyes and Ears column all year.
Ok, let’s go out and go to the dance together! That’ll show Todd!
–
Ah Liz, I am so glad you decided to go out with me. I’ve been dreaming of this moment forever.
Did you just inhale oxygen? Todd does that when he breathes! Speaking of there he is! Omg! He’s dancing with Peggy! I can’t take it!
Then let’s get out of here and go to Miller’s Point!
Um, I’d rather not. In fact, I don’t like you?
WHAT? You little tease! I know you like me! I’m going to force you to make out with me!
Let me go! Although I think this is my fault for leading you on, you’re a creep! You don’t even go to football games! What kind of freak are you?
FINE! You’ll be sorry.
–
Hey everyone, your midterm is postponed because there is some gossip about the Wakefields. Apparently, Kris Lynch and Elizabeth Wakefield are going out and apparently she goes to second base. Whatever, that’s old news to me.
Omg! I can’t believe everyone is talking about me! And Kris keeps telling my friends about the secrets I swore not to tell anyone! Oh, on an unrelated note, I can’t find my diary! But anyway, I WONDER HOW HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!
I’ll get to the bottom of this. I’ll bet Kris Lynch stole Liz’s diary. I know this because the title of this book gave away the plot twist.
–
Jessica, Enid, Todd I am sorry that I blackmailed Liz and tarnished her reputation after I tried to force her with violence to have sex with and she refused. It was just a goof! Will you forgive me?
Well, okay, I guess it happens to the best of us. Let’s just laugh it off over a double-cheese bacon and ham pizza!
Kris: Okay, but what are you gonna order?
All: HAR HAR HAR HAR! [All link arms and skip to the pizza place.]
Really, Aunt Cecilia? Really? You are going to let that brat Jessi talk to you that way? Really?You are seriously nervous that you don’t think you can be as good a baby-sitter as Jessi? She’s eleven! Really, you are going to give and let her get away with that crap? Really? Even when she doesn’t seem to care that her mother has just got back into a career and wants the best for her? And doesn’t even care that your husband, her uncle, just recently passed away? REALLY? I say go ahead and hit her with that spoon. If not for being a self-righteous brat, then for wearing that Bill Cosby sweater.
But you may not know this, Aunt Cecilia, but Jessi is about to teach you a valuable life lesson that she learned from meddling in poor innocent children’s lives. She’s helping Jackie Rodowsky with his science project, only she’s going to do it for him instead of coaching him to do it himself. SEE? Just like you are doing. Be prepared, she’s going to throw that in your face. Maybe you can throw something back in her face: tell her to get friends her own age and stop hanging out with the kids they babysit for.
Also, you may need to check on Squirt. He looks a little funny. Kind of like Benjamin Button when he was born.
Seriously, do they get one entry a month for these things? I think this may actually be the way they hire ghost writers. This one comes from Alexandra, who has some awesome crispy bangs.
My name is Alexandra. I am fourteen years old, and I am in seventh grade [ummmm, left back much?] I go to St. Andrews, and next year I will go to Connelly School of the Holy Child. I live in Bethesda, Maryland, which is outside Washington, DC [way to give pedophiles a map to your house, Alex].
The reason I like Sweet Valley High books is because they seek a new world, and they see things in a new way. Also, each character defines his or her own life. They also make me think about what it would be like if the things that happen in the books would happen to me when I am sixteen. For example, perhaps my best friend would be in a plane crash and I would help her get better. [Yea, I always wonder what it would be like if Bruce touched my boobs.] I really like to read about Elizabeth and Jessica because the author paints a picture with words about their life, school, and roots. The author also creates a world that is different from my life.
All the English teachers out there are probably gouging their eyes out. Maybe Liz could volunteer to tutor Alexandra after school. Just out of the goodness of her heart.
Otherwise known as I am ashamed to be hetereosexual.
If you like what you read, please comment on the film.com site.
Also, Jason=Todd Wilkins?
For real,I am doubtful that Betsey Haynes actually wrote this one herself. I think that one of my attempts at writing teen romance somehow got into the hands of publishers and was published under her names. I’ve mentioned my other series about teen models on a shoot together on a cruise? [Apparently in my young life I thought a cruise was the epitome of glamor.] Also, if this is Bets’ idea of Hollywood than…yikes, Bets. You should get out more.
So this is when Taf is in seventh grade, happening concurrently with the Fabulous Five series. She’s got gotten her big break- a role in a made-for-tv-movie! She’s sad to leave her besty, Shawnie Pendergast, and her new boyfriend, but seriously, how can she give up this opportunity! This part was MADE for her! She will play the role of Tiffany Stafford! A girl who is the victim of girl bullying by a clique led by Jillian Morris! Except that Tiffany finally wins them over in the end. Wow, sounds like a riveting plot. Wait a minute…Taffy Sinclair…Tiffany Stafford…Jillian Morris…Jana Morgan …those names are almost the same! It’s like the movie WAS WRITTEN ABOUT HER LIFE!
Taffy arrives in Hollywood and gets the star treatment. A limo, fancy hotel, and then a big fancy party at the director’s swanky mansion. And the director is Jerry Lowenthal, obviously a Jew. Nice stereotyping. She befriends Tess, who is fifteen, but looks like an eight year old and plays the little sister in the movie. Um, okay? Paige, who plays the nemesis Jillian Morris, hates Taffy because she wanted the main role. You see, Paige is a former child star who is looking for her big break. So, Taffy needs to win over Paige, just like in the movie, and just like her real life. THIS WORKS ON SO MANY LEVELS! Finally, there’s Raven Blaine, the seventeen-year old teen idol who plays the love interest in the movie. Who secretly is in love with Taffy but is too shy to let her know. Blaine, who is seventeen and drives a Porsche and has his own house in the Hollywood Hills, is in love with 12-year-old Taffy. Nice one.
The reason I say I wrote this is because not much in the book advances, the ahem, plot, but more describes various aspects of being in a Hollywood movie that my ten year old self would imagine. The gals all hang out in their trailer and gossip, and have to do schoolwork on the set. When they cast goes out and hangs out, Raven needs to go in disguise himself to block the fan pandemonium. I’m also pretty sure they film the movie in chronological order. The only realistic thing is that Taffy’s mother is on the set with her, for which she is embarrassed about. At least child labor laws are in effect.
Something like this movie would in reality be the subject of a Lifetime movie starring Meredith Baxter Birney. But those are filmed at some soundstage in Canada, and not quite with all the hoopla surrounding this movie. Then again, it could be a made-for-tv Disney movie where they break out into song and then the starlets later accidentally leak naked pictures of themselves online. Then I guess this movie could be a big deal.
But let’s talk about more important things, likie this cover. I am pretty sure the model for the cover is the same girl who plays Stacey in the Baby-Sitters Club videos. The fact that I know this makes me hate myself. And that outfit! I had the same one. Except that it was red with black spatter paint design on it. I got it and wore it through the Bat Mitzvah season. I think with a black turtleneck underneath. Sometimes I just wore the vest over a HUGE button down shirt and leggings. What designer ever thougtht that having a skirt that was tight over the abdomen and then flared out would ever be flattering?
Check out Jason on his hometown dates. Melissa’s parents had too much dignity than appear on this farce.
I’m about three-fourths done with the book, and I just can’t bring myself to finish it. Don’t get me wrong, I thrive on the awful and horrible. Obviously, that’s the raison d’etre for this whole blog. But for me, the book is a whole new level of bad that I can’t even stomach. The more I read, the more enraged I became at the publishing industry and the English language as a whole. I am sure the immense hype and fangirl-dom didn’t help it either, which only fueled my fire. Jessica and Elizabeth are easy to hate; they are over the top parodies of themselves. Yea, I know I’m missing out on some magical baseball game that pits vampires against humans, but I’ll take another Liz and Todd breakup over that anyday.
Maybe one day after the apocalypse, my house and books will burn down and magically this book will be saved and I’ll read it as an alternative to the boredom of the impending downfall of humans and I’ll let you know how it is.
For your amusement:
Some crazy fan makes a replica of Bella’s womb.
Twilight Moms: “Fans of the Twilight Series in OUR STAGE of life (whether you’re a mom or not) now have a place where we can gather unashamed of our irrational obsession with vampires and werewolves. We have a place where “our kind” can relate without having to wade through all the teenage Internet code mumbo jumbo like “OMG!!! IMHO Edward is sooo Hawt!!!” (usually a dead giveaway that you should be doing your social studies homework for 3rd period instead of playing on the computer.) FYI, it was a group of 14/15 year olds that “changed” me. However, OUR world of balancing family, work, home, marriage AND…our Twilight obsession is unique, fun, and oh, so very humorous. The personal stories and experiences I’ve heard and read from women all over the world are a blast. YOU LADIES ROCK!!!”
This…just….boggles…my…mind. They are trying to convince themselves that they are “above” all the crazy fandom. Just call it what it is.
Bite Me! Or Don’t. A fantastic article from Bitch magazine about how Stephenie has created a new genre: abstinence porn.
Someone who is more eloquent than I who expresses the reasons for my dislike. Of course, the backlash on the comments is just as hilarious. “u r a IDIOT!!!
obviously, you don NOT understand 1. single. little. tiny. THING. about love.”
Finally, The Vampire Diaries has been picked up as a tv series. Written by Kevin Williamson. Ugh. Just what we need, another damsel in distress as a role model. With voiceovers and James Van der Beek as Stefan.
For those of you that do enjoy the series, please don’t take this as an affront, this is not meant as an insult to the individuals that read them. I still respect your opinion and if these books give you enjoyment, why not savor that enjoyment?
[Cover from The Closet.]
The halls of SVH are all abuzz with the new personal ads in The Oracle. Oh, how archaic! People place personal ads and then people write letters to n anonymous mailbox. High-schoolers nowadays can place an ad on craigslist and be banging a thirty year old within the hour. Anyway, for some reason, Lynne Henry is organizing the whole thing, and she doesn’t even work for the paper. I don’t know why. One smooch from Guy Chesney and she goes from frumptress to Mary Tyler Moore.
Liz suggests that Penny place an ad and Penny gets all stand-offish, and Liz decides to pity her because Penny doesn’t have a boyfriend, and Liz is all, well, I’m awesome and I have a hot boyfriend so I should help her. And Liz seriously won’t leave it alone, and writes endless entries in her journal about poor, pathetic, unlovable Penny. And practically puts a gun to her head to write an ad. And here is where we get to know the real Penny. No longer is she the secondary character that dumps big deadlines on Liz’s shoulders, but she’s someone who appears to be a bitch on the outside, because deep down, she just wants to be loved! Even Jeffrey thinks Liz is being annoying about it.
“Anything wrong?”
“Not really,” she said slowly. “Just someone I wish I could help, that’s all. “
He chuckled. “The usual.”
Seriously, the gross thing about Penny is that she’s into school and writing and ambitious. My god, what a troll! This will all resolve itself when she goes off to college and meets a hot literature grad student but not having a date to the dance in Sweet Valley is akin to leprosy, so let’s all pity Penny for a moment, shall we?
Penny places an ad that tries a bit too hard, but is kind of funny and gets in equally funny response. Little does she know that who answered her ad was Niel Fremount, who hangs out with super dick Kirk Anderson. And we know Kirk is a dick because he drives a Trans Am. They answer the ad as Jamie, as a goof. They make plans to meet at the mall so they can see the gal show up and see what she looks like. And hence we get one of the first covers from Jimmy where the characters are not posing for a Sears portrait studio. That’s Penny, in the mall bookstore, annoyed that Jamie is late, and wearing her red headband to let him know that it is her.
The guys show up, laugh that it is Penny and tell Neil that she will make him write term papers for her. Seriously though? That seems way more exciting than stuffing my face with cheeseburgers and going to the Beach Disco every five minutes. Meanwhile, it started as a joke, but Neil has really started to feel something! And he’s gone out with lots of pretty girls (ahem, Jessica) but finds them boring. He likes Penny’s sass and brains.
Penny gets upset and Neil finally stands up to his dick friends and he and Penny meet at the Dairi Burger for some cutesy flirting. All is resolved. And Penny has a date to the dance! Phew! I thought she’s have to spend all weekend at home studying for the SATs. Thank god she was saved for that.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Lila have a wager over who can attract the best guy with their personal ad. Jessica meets one guy, Paulo, who she can’t even deal with because he’s overweight. Jessica makes up a story about how she has a deadly disease (Mono? MS?) and gets headaches. Paulo, the bumbling fat idiot thinks she’s really brave. Then she meets a totally hot college guy who wants to know all about her. Turns out it’s the same guy that Lila has met as well. Turns out that he is a student doing a sociology project on girls who place personal ads. So Jessica is made an ass of, which was nice. Why in the holy hell are college students answering ads placed in a high school newspaper?
Here is Jessica’s ad:
Are you devastatingly handsome? Are romantic and wild? Do you like girls who aren’t afraid of danger? Are you the type of guy who goes for what he wants? Are you in college? If you answered yes to all the above questions, drop me a line. I’ve been looking for you.
That sounds like an open invitation for someone to kidnap her and feed her frozen pancakes.
[Cover courtesy of The Closet]
Steven: Oh noes! Cara is moving to London!
Jessica: Why don’t you marry her? That way she won’t have to move.
Steven: What a great idea! Jess, your ideas always work, so I will do it!
–
Steven: Cara, will you marry me?
Cara: Marriage! That means my own apartment, I can have parites when I want and stay up as late as I want! Why yes Steven!
—
Lila: Cara, we are throwing you a bridal shower. Any excuse to throw a party at my house. My housekeeper gets bored so I have to give her stuff do do.
Amy: Here, I got you a sexy negligeee!
Cara: Gulp. Oh yea, I guess if we are married, I have to have sex with Steven. I had not thought of that until just now.
Jessica: Here! I got you dishes!
Cara: Gulp. Oh yea, I guess if I get married I have to have responsibilities and do housework. I hadn’t thought of that until now.
—
Steven: Whoa is me. I just got into a the pre-law program at college but I can’t do it because I have to get a part time job to support Cara and our shitty apartment. I really think this marriage is a bad idea but I’m just not going to say anything.
—
Cara: Yikes. I’m afraid to get married because I’m young and it is pretty much a felony so I am just not going to say anything.
—
Jessica and Elizabeth: We are going to do something we never do: go to our parents when we need help.
[The Wakefield fam stop the wedding just in time for Cara to get cold feet at the altar.]
Cara: Apparently, I do have to move to London because my character is probably too boring for this series.
Jessica: I am a sociopath devoid of all human empathy so I’m actually not that sad that my supposed best friend is moving.
Elizabeth: I am awesome because I totally know what’s right for everyone.
Steven: I’m a massive tool.
The End.
I’ve had a lull in my SVH devouring, but in the meantime please check out my recap of The Bachelor. If you have any comments please leave it after the article. The more people read and respond to it over on the site, the more they will let me write.
Although The Brothel may actually be worse than a SVH book.
Whenever I hit a thriftstore, I always am on the lookout for old YA lit or old toys. I got a bargain on this gem for 50 cents. Remember it?
If not, let me refresh your memory. You pick your dream boy out of the boyfriend cards and your friends have to guess what qualities you look for. However, the person that owned this game took all the boyfriend cards! Alas, we still have the guys on the cover.
The obligatory captain of the football team. Who looks a lot like my brother, so that’s kind of weird.
Huh? His lips look kind of pale and crusty. If this was a girl, her nickname would be “whore”.
Nothing like promoting little girls to be gold diggers. Is his family millionaires? Did he make his own millions selling lemonade? Could these be the whitest guys you’ve ever seen?
I totally see the appeal for girls, but again, it is promoting this SVH-ish idea of getting a hot boyfriend is “winning” and the best boyfriend is the rich, popular one. Where’s the goth guy? And the indie emo guy? Do all girls really go for the captain of the football team these days?
But this does not even begin to rival the craptastica Girl Talk Dateline. The goal is to match up a girl and a boy, shove the two plastic pieces into a fake phone, which activates a tape-recorded phone call of the guy calling the girl and sometimes he gets rejected when she says she’s “washing her hair”. Yay for heterosexism!
My best friend and I thought Tanya was the coolest evs.
Drew scares me.
Of course, god forbid you are caught with the nerds!
Homer is kind of hipster looking. And I totally dig guys into computers. Of course, Gert is a nerd because she has GLASSES! Oh the horror! She looks kind of like Lynne Henry, am I right?
I don’t know why I subjected myself to more of this miniseries, it’s not like the previous one was so stellar. This miniseries was also the point where the big changeover happened, where SVH tried to change into multi-book storylines. Kind of like when Beverly Hills, 90210 went from self-contained stories in single episodes (Brenda may have breast cancer! Brandon dates a teenage mom! Kelly almost gets raped on Halloween!) to a continuous melodrama. Yea, it didn’t work for that, either.
Nothing much has changed in this one. Elizabeth still feels guilty for killing Sam. Sam continues to be dead. Jessica still mourns over Sam and is mad at Elizabeth. Lila continues to not shut her trap about her mother Grace. Margo continues to murder small children, drowning them in lakes and killing old women in public restrooms. You know, the usual.
How does Jessica extract her revenge on Liz? By leaving the newspaper article about the arrest where Liz can see it. Oooo, burn. And putting the moves on Todd. You know, because he is just dumb enough to fall for it.
Lila finally meets her mother but is mad because she also has an annoying French boyfriend she pays attention to instead of Lila. This guy is such a French stereotype he wears a stripe shirt and beret while miming eating a baguette.
Also, Liz is arrested for the murder of Sam, and she spends the evening in jail. Uh, would they really put a minor in jail? Maybe, I don’t know. Also, while she is in the clink, Liz gets harassed by some badass hookers. One of them was “wearing a lot of makeup, and was dressed in a short, tight, satin skirt, a skimpy halter top, and glittery silver stockings.” Isn’t that something Jessica would wear to the beach disco? They taunt her and call her rich girl, and tell her that her blond California looks drives the guys wild and could earn her a lot of money. I am surprised at this point Liz doesn’t talk to these women and talk them out of a life of prostitution and into a life of crocheting or something. But Liz just shrinks back and is scared. Of course, because all sex workers are disgusting, immoral people who choose their line of work. Thanks, Sweet Valley for another lesson. Also, I am intrigued that Sweet Valley actually has sex workers. Where’s the demand? Probably when Ned is entertaining clients.
And does Sweet Valley have the WORST police force ever? Liz cannot remember anything about the night of the accident, and doesn’t know why she had alcohol in her system. Don’t the cops ever ask her IF SHE HAD ANYTHING TO DRINK at the dance and finding out the punch? Spiking punch at the dance is the oldest high school cliche in the book, right up there with spying on girls in the locker room. They couldn’t think of this? What the hell are they teaching them in the police academy?
There’s also some, ahem, comedy, in this one. I guess the ghosties wanted to offset the image of the bloated body of a dead child floating in the lake. Nicholas Morrow goes on the show Hunks and has to go on three dates with three girls and talk about it on the show. And it’s about as funny as Winston’s lunchtime comedy shows. It also reinforces that anyone outside of the mainstream, chino-wearing, cheerleader/football player archetype is beyond FREAKISH! The first woman he goes out with is kind of punk, has tattoos and takes him to a biker bar. Therefore, is a total freak who doesn’t deserve to live. Nicholas is all embarrassed by her and is harassed by the people at the bar who think he is a narc. I just think he is a tool. The other girl he goes out with giggles all the time and wears a sweatshirt and jeans on their date, The NERVE! She should be burned at the stake. The third girl is pretty and perfect looking, but Nicholas screws up the date by getting a flat tire and puking, but she doesn’t mind and kisses him on the show. She doesn’t seem to have any sort of personality. Just like the perfect Sweet Valley girl should.
Can I get an ahem for this being the worst cover ever? Todd and Jess have the longest legs ever, and Liz’s hair confuses me. And OMG! Is that the Wakefield’s splkit-level pefect house in the background??? Is this the first time we’ve seen it?
