Catching Up with the Pen Pals: Palmer dumps Simmie’s ass and then dates a townie

Ah, I’ve been neglecting our favorite boy-crazy boarding school broads. When we left off, Palmer stole Amy’s PP, Simmie Randolph tres, and evetyone forgave her for it.

I hate sports-related books. However, boys are involved, so a-okay! There’s a joint tennis tournament between the Ardsley and the girls’ school, so Palmer teams up with Simmie. However, he throws a huge shit fit when it turns out she’s better than him. So she starts playing like shit and actually loses her spot on the tennis team. Then, feminism triumphs over everyone and Palmer realizes she is being an idiot. She also thinks Simmie will ask her to the big dance (fuck, these schools have dances as much as SVH) but then he shows up with another hussy.

Other things happen, like the girls fight and Shanon has a big shit fit because they are not all getting along and her parents forgot to add the extra “n” to her name.

John and Amy write incredibly boring letters to each other, Mars continues to show signs that he has the mentaqlity of a three year old, and Rob and Lisa make sheep’s eyes at each other (as Ma Ingalls would say).

Palmer’s hair looks out of control, but she’s got the bitchface down. I wore the outfit Amy is wearing to my first day of sixth grade.

Sam the Sham, #5. Palmer needs a new pen pal, so the gals take out another ad in the newspaper. Sam writes back, and he is a cute redhead and plays in a band. Palmer and he write 2 short boring letters to each other, and suddenly Palmer is in love. However, it seems that no one at Ardsley has heard of him. The gals take a trip to the mall, and see him…GASP!…as a shoe salesman! How middle class! Apparently he dropped out of Ardsley and now goes to a local high school. Palmer runs away and Sam thinks she is a spoiled bitch, and I agree. Finally, later at another joint dance (again?) Sam’s band The Fantasy is playing and they make up.

Wow, did Pen Pals really jump the shark this early? I know the central plot is writing to boys, but it is just silliness now. I can’t stand John Adams and his dumb poetry, Mars thinking he is clever with his stupid inventions, Shanon’s “whoa is me, I’m a scholarshup girl” crying,and Palmer repeatedly acting like Jessica and Lila combined but the other girls bending over and taking it.

The best thing about the books are the outfits on the covers. They are pretty true to what the descriptions in the books are. Wow Palmer, in your closet of pricey designer clothes, you shose to wear the dress I wore to my Bat Mitzvah?