The one in which Elizabeth awakens from the coma to become a nymphomaniac, or #7, Dear Sister
First things first: I remember thinking that Jessica was sooooo pretty on this cover. It is one of the better pictures of her, but that hair! It’s the combover! That’s what my hair looks like if I wash it but let it air-dry.
Ok, so Liz is still in a coma at the Joshua Fowler Memorial Hospital. I mention the hospital’s name because the name is mentioned every time they talk about the hospital. Obvi, it’s a relative of Lila’s.
So, Liz finally wakes up only she’s not Liz, she’s basically…Jessica. Or a selfish nymphomaniac. In other words, Jessica. Of course, first thing she does when she wakes up is flirt with her doctor at the Joshua Fowler memorial hospital. And the doctors and nurses can’t shut up about how gooooorgeous the twins are. Is it really appropriate for a neurosurgeon to comment on? Haven’t I learned suspension of belief yet?
Ooooo, clever literary device. The doctors had suggested that if Jessica talks to Liz, she may wake up. This allows Jess to recap everything that’s happened in the series so far.
So Liz returns to school and snubs both Enid and Todd and declares that she has no time for them. Todd thinks Liz is holding a grudge against him for almost killing him on the motorcycle. He mopes around a lot but accepts it. Oh, Todd, you are too good for this! Move on!
Ned and Alice let the gals have a pool party at their house, as a welcome back to the world for Elizabeth. Elizabeth wants to invite only boys. Hah! I knew someone who threw parties for guys only. Although it was in college. Elizabeth tricks Jessica into doing all the work for the party while she uses the “I’m tired and still recovering excuse.” Jessica, you have tasted your own medicine AND IT IS BITTER! Elizabeth spends the whole party amidst a gaggle of guys that seem to be encircling her and laughing at everything she is saying.. The ubiquitous Ken Matthews is there and she uses some sort of double enttendres to flirt.
Ok, some side story about some twin girls that stay with the Wakefields and Elizabeth always dumps the responsibility onto Jessica. She even is forced to take them on her date to the drive-in. Comic relief…I guess?
Elizabeth continues to do horrible things to good people- she writes something in Eyes and Ears about Ken cheating on his girlfriend in the hopes that they break up so she can have him. She even makes Winston do her homework for her. Nooooo, not Winston!
Wow, we get a whole chapter from Todd’s point of view. Usually there are side characters that get some perspective, but rarely Todd. My god, he is such a snore. No juicy tidbits about his kinky fantasies about dating a twin or descriptions of the guys in the locker room. Just more brooding about Elizabeth.
Lila has a theme party, with two themes, a costume theme and a “pickup party” theme. Where people pick each other up. Uh, as opposed to other kinds of theme parties? Jessica and Elizabeth go as sexy matadors. Don’t ask.
Elizabeth flirts with Bruce and he thinks it is Jessica wanting another chance (he wishes). When he finds out she is Elizabeth, he gets his designer boxer shorts in a twist with excitement because Elizabeth is the only girl he has yet to “conquer.” And by “conquer” he means forcibly have intercourse with. He starts getting her drunk on wine and before they are about to leave, Todd stops them and takes Liz home after she passes out. Because even though he treats her like crap, deep down he loves her and can’t wait to have another frivolous fight with her.
Meanwhile, Bill Chase, the Sweet Valley surfer/stoner, gets caught in Elizabeth’s whirlwind cock-teasing. He’s always been in love with her from afar but afraid to talk to her. So when she shows interest, he asks her out. Bruce also wants Liz to come to his private beach house, so she plans on blowing off Bill. Jessica apparently suddenly is in love with Bill so she poses as Elizabeth and goes out with him. They do stupid date things like walk on the beach and whisper sweet nothings and Bill confesses his love for Liz. Blech
Meanwhile, Liz snuck out with Bruce to his lair of seduction. They make out and shock!!! Bruce feels her boobs. That Bruce is such a boob-toucher. Finally they make it upstairs and to the bed. Bruce runs downstairs to get more wine (i.e. rufies) and Elizabeth gets up and hits her head on the table, suddenly turning back into the real Elizabeth, and does not remember anything from the time she woke up from the coma. Omg! Just like Kyle Baldwin on The 4400. Was Liz used as a vessel for the future humans to talk through also? Doubtful. Can I get a medical explanation for what happened? Anyway she does the requisite slap-Bruce-across-the-face ands runs out onto the beach where she finds Todd and instantly he knows she is now back to normal. Ah, young love reunited!
Seriously, this was a good one. I think this ghostwriter got a BA in creative writing from Harvard.
Other thoughts:
Francine continues to hate the fatties. When Jessica is getting ready for a date, she muses that she is glad she lost weight recently because Danny Stouffer would not want to date a “blimpo”. Uh, random and uneccesary.
What the hell is with all the dumb nicknames people have for each other? Elizabeth calls Ken Matthews “All-American.” Ugh. Mr. Collins calls Liz “Brenda Starr”. Ugh. Todd’s nickname on the basketball team is “Wizzer” Wilkins. Because he has to pee a lot? If so, that should be my nickname.
Are we really to believe that Bruce has actually slept with a lot of girls? People at Sweet Valley seem to have no genitals, they walk around with Barbie Doll crotches. None of the guys that Liz and Jess usually date ever MENTION sex. I’ll bet Bruce has slept with some MILF at his parents’ country club.
My grade: A
You are awesome. I just found this site from a BSC recap and had to read everything. I was so addicted to these books when I was 12! Seeing them as an adult — man, do they suck.
Thanks for making my morning! Found you the same way Merrie did. Trying to stifle my laughter here at work. You’re tempting me to try to find some of the SV books at the library or Goodwill. More, more!
I love these! I can’t believe you didn’t mention the part where Jessica basically says she is going to have to sleep with Danny in order to get him to forgive her for bringing the twins on their date. Something about reclining leather seats in his car?
this was my favorite one!!! i remember how i used to think this one was so racy and i loved the fact that liz was becoming such a naughty, selfish bitch!!! her goody-two shoes ways are so irritating. just do all the trampy ones, ok? but one note – how pathetic that liz “suddenly” recovers her memory just like that?!? i dunno – i need to verify that with a medical professional, but I didnt know just banging your head on the floor can recover your entire memories and yet make her forget all that recently happened before?!?! wtf
On, there are like only 4 trampy ones. I remember there was one where everyone thought Annie Whitman was a slut. I don’t think I have that one.
Dear Wizzer,
Love it love it. It’s so funny how they constantly allude to sex and seem trampy, but as soon as someone (Bruce) touches a boob, it’s over. Does anyone ever ACTUALLY have sex in any of the books?
i think the one with annie whitman was #10…once i get back home i can dig around and find it…
this was the first SVH book I ever read, and the parts about boob-touching and stealing people’s boyfriends seemed so scandalous to my 5th-grade mind that I couldn’t wait to get my hands on more. Unfortunately that trend did not continue and by the time I was actually in high school (mid to late 90s) the books were completely LAME. Aww. Great site!
You missed the part where Jessica says something to Todd, along the lines of “Who cares about Whales, Todd”. And then the next line is “He did, but he let the comment slide…”
So random. Todd cares about whales? I almost died laughing re-reading that part.
The especially annoying thing about Jessica gloating about not being a “blimpo” is that the amount of weight she lost was, like, TWO POUNDS. Wouldn’t she lose that after her morning bowel movement?!
I also love how the rumor of Liz going to Kelly’s with Rick Andover was enough to just DEMOLISH her rep in Book 1, but her turning into Super-Slut in this book causes nary a blink.
“Danny has these seats that slide back. Do I need to draw you a picture?” Jess had said, though that’s not the exact quote. Hers was a lot more suggestive. Jessie will get laid in the car…not…
I remember that the back cover was all “without Elizabeth, how can Jessica’s life go on?” etc. etc. so I was disappointed when she woke up after only about ten pages.
I think it would have been a public service to Sweet Valley if Bruce Patman would’ve just gone ahead and stuffed Elizabeth. A little sexual healing is exactly what that stuck-up goody goody needs!
Ahhhh, the memories. My aunt accused me of stealing this one from a K-Mart on a family trip. It had recently been reprinted (this was like 1988) and I was so eager to read it, I didn’t wait for her to check it out for me; I used my Christmas pocket money by myself. Her wrath was compounded when she saw it was s Sweet Valley because she’s a librarian and thought they were trash.
But this one really, really rules. I love how it humanizes Jessica. You really feel sorry for her and impressed at her capacity for self-analysis (”This must be how everyone feels when I’m an irresponsible brat!”) It brilliantly showcases the parental negligence of Nalice (as clueless as owls that Liz is being a sly biotch to their faces) and Todd’s car is described as a beat-up Datsun, in emasculating terms.
The “warm wine and paper cups” the classy Bruce Patman has stowed at all times in the back of 1Bruce1 still sticks in my mind as a high point.
Oh, to answer Erin’s question above and to paraphrase a famous line:
“This is Sweet Valley. No sex, please.”
Tony Sargent, I quite agree. Only in order for it to work, Elizabeth would have to be fully cognizant of it when she comes to her senses… we’d benefit from seeing her self-loathing and horror unfold over the next few books.
I agree with Tony Sargent’s Publicist. It’s about time someone, like Liz got “stuffed” and stuffed hard! Plus wouldn’t you want to have sex with Bruce since he’s hot? I would. And if he ever called me a slut or something then I would just tell everyone (in the “eyes and ears”) that, “if he’s so rich, why does he suck in bed?” YEAH!